Time to Heal
Jason, my son, was a runner. He was killed in an auto accident as he drove to compete in a major Track and Field meet.
Jason's friends and fellow athletes at the track club searched for ways to honor him and be supportive to me. They had a track named after Jason and at Christmas they gave me a watch.
The watch featured the club logo - an upright running frog. It made me smile as I remembered Jason running. I treasured the watch, even slept with it. It gave me comfort and a feeling of connection. By 2000, I still had the watch and would wear no other. Of course it had been through numerous new watchbands and batteries.
During the summer of 2000 the watch stopped. I didn't know that my body was also about to go on strike.
As we headed for town to purchase batteries I began thinking of my workload. I was right in the middle of studying and exam writing for a course in Skills Training at one of my jobs. By June, the load had increased even further as I took on two large community service projects. I found myself short on patience.
En route to town I suddenly began to cry. My husband, Shawn looked at me with concern, "Honey, what is the matter," he asked.
Tears pouring down my face I answered, "I don't know." And truly I had no idea what was happening.
We arrived in town and began taking care of errands. At the jewelry shop I was told the eight-year-old watch was beyond repair. "I'm sorry, it's toast!" was the explanation given me by the clerk.
"Well, give it a new battery," I instructed her.
"You don't understand," she said. "The watch is dead and can not be repaired. We can put new insides into it for $60.00."
Suddenly I felt as though I was going to break down and cry again. "This is ridiculous," I thought to myself. I got out of the store quickly before the tears started.
As we finished our errands and headed home I suddenly burst out in sobs.
"You're crying again. What is the matter?" Shawn asked.
My answer was the same as before. I honestly did not know why I was crying but as we reached the house we both arrived at the same conclusion. I was overworked and stress was causing a burnout.
I was soon to discover just how tough it is to function when your brain and memory seem separated or disconnected. I would turn on water and walk away completely forgetting it. I must say the laundry room floor got especially clean one day when we drove into town and while we were shopping I suddenly remembered I had left water running!
I had to write down everything because my memory would not serve me.
Not long after that day, the one where I just cried for no apparent reason, Shawn came home with a new watch for me. I was touched by his thoughtfulness. My broken watch was still in my handbag and I took it out to put it away. I knew I would be unable to throw it away, so I intended on setting it safely into a drawer.
I gasped as I held it in my hands. I felt a bit of a jolt followed by a warm rush of happiness. The old broken watch was running! I looked skyward, and spoke to my Heavenly Father, "Oh God, you knew how much this watch meant and you gave it back to me. Oh thank you so much!"
The watch continued to work through out July and into August. I remember sometime in mid August thinking, "Wow, I think my mind and brain are working together again.!" I could accomplish more than one thing a day and I was feeling quite good.
Well the day I decided I was truly recuperated, the watch stopped again. I knew this time it would never work again and I knew without a doubt God in His infinite wisdom had seen the delicate state I was in and had sent his angels to start the watch.
I smiled, grateful for the gift of time!
Postscript: One of the things that was overloading me at the time of my burn out was a training course I was taking. When I experienced my own burnout, don't you just think it is hilarious - I was on the chapter that teaches about stress and burnout?
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