Christmas Love

Linda Leach Johannessen

January 15, 2014

Our family isn't very large and we don't get together very often. But we do gather for holiday occasions. Traditionally, when the cousins were growing up we'd spend Christmas Eve at my mother-in-law's house, better known as Grandma's. That's where the grandchildren enjoyed our gatherings best. But the children were grown and it didn't matter so much where we spent Christmas Eve, especially since our 21-year old daughter Amy died after a four and a half year struggle with leukemia.

Throughout her teenage years Amy loved to bake cookies. She would carefully place them in decorative tin cans and give them to her uncles as an added treat with their present. This was the first time we would be hosting Christmas in our home since Amy died. Since it was going to be at our home, I decided that maybe I would bake the cookies Amy used to make. I hadn't baked anything since her death. Thinking it might be nice to have a little holiday spirit, I tuned in a radio station playing Christmas carols and hymns. I pulled out Amy's cookie sheets and racks and began making the dough.

Just as I began to scoop the dough onto the cookie sheets, I found myself singing along to Julie Andrew's "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music. Amy loved that movie, I thought to myself. Then it occurred to me that making cookies was one of Amy's favorite things to do!

I had decorated the fireplace mantel and placed a small artificial tree on its hearth. On the living room coffee table I had two red Christmas candles in my prettiest candlestick holders. At the last minute I decided the table needed a little more color. I scrambled around the house looking for something that would make it look a little more festive. All I could come up with was some potpourri. It was mostly red and green! That'll work! Good enough!! I put some in a round bowl and placed 4 votive candles in the mix. It looked rather pretty when it was lit. As desperate as I was, I didn't have these candles in glass votive holders. They just sat in the potpourri mix! "I must remember to blow them out before we sit down to dinner," I impressed upon myself!

Well, my memory is short term to say the least, and indeed I forgot. Goodness knows how much time we sat in the dining room, enjoying dinner, conversation, coffee and dessert! When we finally came back into the living room my heart skipped a beat as I realized I'd forgotten to blow out those candles!!! Three of them had extinguished themselves as they'd melted all the way down to the bottom of the bowl. The last candle was still burning strong, upright and hardly melted. How lucky I was the potpourri didn't ignite! I quickly blew out the last candle and hoped the family didn't notice my carelessness.

Our Christmas Eve came to a conclusion. The rest of the holidays came and went. I began the task of putting the decorations away. I picked up the round bowl with the loose potpourri and attempted to put it back into the bag that I'd taken it from. However, a clump had formed when the candle wax melted. I gave the clump a tap to force it out of the bowl. When I did, the loose potpourri around it fell to the floor. What was left, sitting in my hand was the clump. It was formed into the shape of a nearly perfect heart! A potpourri heart! I couldn't have shaped it any better had I tried!

I realized then that Amy had been with us Christmas Eve. She was there when I baked the cookies and she quietly left us her love in the bowl of red and green potpourri.